A DECLARATION OF WEIRD

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I have been perpetrating shit like this for almost two years. Ever since I decided to harass Lee Stranahan and his family, my life has been a misery. Ever since Stranahan exposed my efforts publicly and Robert Stacy McCain executed some TRUE JOURNALISM and found so many of my less nuanced, less thoughtful, less than intelligent opinion pieces, and exposed my excellent friendship with an unrepentant, convicted perjurer and bomber, noble gentlemen like WJJ Hoge III and his legion of fans have recognized and called me out for the walking clot of filth that I am. People like McCain, Hoge and their readers have made the constant exposure and mockery of my preferred and very deviant methods of investigative journalism their personal business.

Today is the day I say, “Enough.”

Enough of the mockery.

Enough of the criticism.

Enough of the blog comments.

Enough of reminding me of my lifetime of inadequacies.

Enough of trying to make me face the consequences of my evil acts.

Enough of discrediting my work by quoting my work.

Enough of killing my books because I understand neither the complex idea of “fair use” nor the simple ideas of “theft, “asking permission,” and “erring on the side of caution.”

Enough.

And today is the day I put my lack of money where my mouth is.

Today I have filed a lawsuit in the US District Court for the District of Maryland, Northern Division.

The defendants are:
WJJ Hoge III, who is far wiser than me
Robert Stacy McCain, who is a far better journalist than me
Nancy Gilly, aka “LibraryGryffon,” who is far skinnier than me
Paul H. Lemmen, who is far more honorable than me
Bettina Haper, aka “Black Betty,” who is far more loyal than me
Chris Heather, aka “Embryriddlealum” and any number of other sock puppets, who is far better at Photoshop than me
Kyle Kiernan, who is far more felonious than me
Stephen R. Sheiko, the soft touch I need to roll over and throw everyone else under the bus
Kimberly Dykes, a FEMALE WOMAN who has far greater impulse control than me
The anonymous blogger calling itself “Paul Krendler,” who came out of nowhere and showed everyone how easy it is to be a far better writer than me

I have filed under the following Claims for Relief.

1. Delicious Persecution and Misuse of Pork Chops
2. Inflammation and Babble
3. Smartassment and Inventional Affliction of Emotional Butthurt

There were a few people who almost made the list but did not.

Robin Wesley Causey and his wife, MaryFrances. I completely jacked them around, doxed them by mistake, and they have an ironclad counter suit if they want, so I’m staying as far from them as possible.

Yesterday, I proved, for the 3,785th time, exactly who “Embryriddlealum” is. Chris Heather. He can scream about it as much as he likes. I won’t be listening or responding. He can tell the judge. And then won’t I look like a complete ass? It’ll be just like being awake.

I was really motivated to file suit against Patrick G. Grady. But I decided against it, not out of any respect for him, nor even out of some obviously fake and contrived noble gesture for his “brave” son. It’s because not only did I dox him and his family, including that “brave” disabled son of his whose only real interest to me is as an excuse, but I also tried not once but twice to get him fired from his job, which would naturally seriously weaken the financial support he can provide to his son. I may be a subnormal who barely graduated high school with a two digit IQ, but even I know better than to sue a guy who I’ve tried three times in as many months to fuck over for reasons I can’t even remember. Add to that the fact that he’s got multiple mental conditions and violent tendencies, and you better damn well believe I’m too much of a coward to want to be in the same state as him. He literally scares the shit out of me; I just made bigs writing this paragraph.

The case is in the hands of the court. It may be awhile before it is docketed. First, the judge will have to decide whether or not I really am as indigent as I say. If so, then I will not have to pay the filing fee. That could take weeks. Not the decision, but the time it will take to save up and pay the fee. When the case is docketed, summonses will be issued if I can pay for the postage and we go from there.

I have learned from watching my excellent friend Brett Kimberlin’s campaign against a larger group. I have learned what to do – delay, deny, claim ignorance (like breathing for me), commit perjury, add defendants after the deadline, make excuses, file lots of useless motions – and what not to do – check the box, write addresses both legibly and correctly, behave like an adult.

I intentionally kept the filing simple since I really have no idea what I’m talking about. We liberals talk a good game, but the moment someone starts using facts and logic and actual legal precedents, we liberals tend to develop a bad case of flopsweat as we roll gibbering from the courtroom drenched in fear pee. I suspect it will be the same in my case.

I will launch a fundraising web page in case anyone wishes to help financially. I don’t expect it to be successful.

But, if I live long enough, I do expect to prevail in this case.

Unlike Hoge, who never lets a thought go unblogged, the only time you will hear from me about this case will be when there is something to report, such as when the

LICKSPITTLES!!

PARKINSON’S!!

DEFAMATION!!

…when the LICKSPITTLES fail to take me seriously or when I am continuously compelled by the mind control manipulations of the Great Hog of Westminster to write a blog post every time he does, because I have no impulse control and my feet are round and hairy.

I will not post the filing. We’ll let people like Hoge make sure the cross bar on the capital “T” is of the proper length and whether or not the dot above the “i” is properly separated from the body of the letter.

I am Homey the Clown, and I am not playing that game. I am fighting for my life. I am fighting for my survival, but I do not expect to live long enough to survive.

Because I’m too dumb to know any better than to think the local police have nothing better to do than field my horseshit complaints about people coming up with better insults than I do, for the last 18 months I’ve had to bend over, grab my ankles and take it every time Hoge or McCain or one of their mindless herd came by to remind people what a deranged cyberstalker I am, how I will keep track of every slight, every insult, every retaliation against my epic failures of pretend journalism.

For the first time in my life, I’m the Planitiff. I’ve never sued anyone before, let alone 10 people at once. That’s probably because the internet has a strange way of amplifying my stupidity to absurd levels, and the ridicule I receive in return is far more than would ever be allowed in the civil service cube farms where the only way to get fired is to appear intolerant. Hell, before Hoge, I never even had to go to traffic court.

I was called a villain for saying “people will pay.” Well, we’ll leave that to a judge, first to determine whether I am “people,” then to decide how much I should have to pay.

Thank you for reading this. We are on a war footing and censorship measures are now in effect on this blog. I will close my Twitter account later tonight. All further transmissions will be coded. To receive the one-time pad cipher key each day, send an email containing your name, mailing address, city, state, zip code, home, work and mobile phone numbers, Social Security Number, all bank and credit card information, photos of yourself and you children and pets, cars, church, mortgage balance, credit scores, list of all medications and your most recent grocery list. Please include “DOX ME” in the subject line for high priority processing.

This is war, and I mean to die. Or win. But probably die. The important thing is, I’ll go out as the helpless hapless victim I have always been.

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Author: Paul Krendler

The Thinking Man's Zombie

15 thoughts on “A DECLARATION OF WEIRD”

  1. bwahahaha!!
    Hilarious!! and so much closer to the actual truth than what Farty posted...

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  2. '...and my feet are round and hairy'

    I spit coke all over my keyboard when I read that (and still laughing 5 minutes later).

    This is an awesome post!

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  3. I'm the feloniousest!

    I would like to note that the "felon" gag used in these pages and back and forth with TLFKAD is all well and good because this is just my nom and I'm fine with that as long as it's only me in play.
    I would not like to think that any of this would stick to the real KK that TLFKAD fingered with his usual level of dox capability. That guy seems to have had some mistakes but they didn't look to be too bad and they were a while back with no recurrences, so it looks like he's got himself turned around from some youthful problems.

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  4. Because this is a parody, I have trouble figuring out what is hyperbole and what is reality. With BS, reality is easily confused with what in normal cases would be hyperbole. And (I hope all will forgive me) I do not like to visit his distasteful sites.

    Has he filed yet a third or perhaps even a fourth or fifth suit? Or is this in response to his counter-suit? Or is this mocking his first (and since withdrawn) suit? For a man of his heft, a veritable leviathan, he certainly is flighty, you know. Getting a temporary peace order and then failing to show up for the hearing does not show much persistence. I can't keep track of his tergiversations.

    By the way, the distinction between the "complex idea of fair use" and the simple ideas of "theft, asking permission, and erring on the side of caution" is one that I doubt BS has ever grasped on his own, and so, although cogent and pertinent to his actual situation, it hardly belongs in a parody.

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    1. "know" was supposed to be "flighty, you know,"

      FTFY in moderation, I think.

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      1. Thanks for the fix.

        I seem not to know how to google today. I tried to come to your site, ended up here, and thought it was a new post. Well it wasn't of course (as I would have known had I looked at the posting date) so my comment is itself a bit weird. Given the topic, however, weird is OK.

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