How To Successfully Manipulate A DUMBFUCK

Step 1

Assume that the average DUMBFUCK (although, isn’t a DUMBFUCK far below average by definition? I think so. Yes.) will infer that anything you post must be a reference to itself.

Step 2

Post whatever you want.

Step 3

There is no step 3.

Easier than picking up a case of the clap at a truck stop.


Good Afternoon, DUMBFUCK!

Ya know, usually when I quote something, as I did yesterday when I noted that DUMBFUCK got his Microsoft Outlook account permanently suspended for “using your account for illegal activity; to spread malware or to view/distribute child pornography,” DUMBFUCK steps right up and tells me the quote is incorrect, and if I’m going to use quotation marks I should make sure the quote is correct.

Because I need a DUMBFUCK’S advice on prufreeding.

Yesterday, however, it went a different direction.  It says that “you” (I assume that’s a collective, royal “you” and not me specifically – my ego just isn’t that big) are pretending that it did that, “with NO EVIDENCE.”

It says.


NO EVIDENCE whatsoever.

See, “we” (the royal “we,” which some DUMBFUCKS use as affectation, I use here as a continuation of DUMBFUCK’S reference to the royal “you” on Twitter) didn’t suspend DUMBFUCK’S account.

Microsoft did.

“We” don’t even say they suspended the account because it was used “to spread malware or to view/distribute child pornography.”

And neither does Microsoft.  Not specifically.  See, if you read it again, there’s a third cause at the front of that list, which DUMBFUCK conveniently ignores.  I’ll just repeat the full quote with some highlighting so “we” can all see it:

Microsoft disabled your access to your account due to a violation of the Microsoft Services Agreement.  Serious violations of the Microsoft Services Agreement, such as using your account for illegal activity; to spread malware or to view/distribute child pornography result in your account being permanently closed. We do this to protect Microsoft customers and the integrity of our services. 

We have evaluated your appeal and have verified that a serious violation of the Microsoft Services Agreement occurred on your account.

“Illegal activity.”

Now there’s a catch-all phrase.  And one that’s probably all too familiar to DUMBFUCKS around the globe.  But even that may not complete the list.  Who knows what other specific causes may exist in the Microsoft Services Agreement?  I don’t know, because I don’t use Outlook.

Neither does DUMBFUCK.


Good Afternoon, DUMBFUCK!

The pot calls the kettle black:

says the DUMBFUCK who got his Microsoft Outlook account perma-banned for “using your account for illegal activity; to spread malware or to view/distribute child pornography.”


Good Morning, DUMBFUCK!

When was it that DUMBFUCK last had a weapon that fired?  Was it on the Soulmate Blind Date?

Or was DUMBFUCK speaking metaphorically of its own LOLsuits? As I recall, none has ever survived a motion to dismiss – because DUMBFUCK – and it seems to have given up entirely on its latest bullshit attempt to convince someone-anyone!-that butthurt-is-too-a-tort, thanks in no small part to the efforts (although “effort” seriously overstates what’s required to dispose of a DUMBFUCK LOLsuit) of the man DUMBFUCK calls The Worst Lawyer in the World.

That reminds me: you know what you call the worst lawyer in the world?

A lawyer.

You know what you call the biggest DUMBFUCK in the world?

I’ll leave that one to the Horde.


Love & Proofreading

they go together like a horse and carriage.

So it doesn’t rhyme – sue me.


Part of this is because Patton Oswalt has class, which is more than a DUMBFUCK could ever say.  Also, he’s probably not a certified whackadoodle.  For example, has Patton Oswalt ever put photos of

  • his dying wife,
  • his ass, or
  • his dying wife’s ass (2 outta 3 ain’t bad)

on the Internet? I’d bet real money that he has not.

Another part of it may be that Patton Oswalt has the self-control AND the self-esteem NOT to try to turn his wife into a weapon to use against the army of people he has worked very hard to piss off.

And that may be entirely due to the possibility that Patton Oswalt has not worked hard to piss people off.

I’m guessing here; I don’t know the man, I just enjoy his work.