Awww, Someone’s MAAAAAD at Me!

Yeah, somebody’s upset with me.

Where ARE those pearls?  Can someone haul the fainting couch out of storage?

And because he’s upset with me…and because he’s an impotent coward…he’s emailing threats to others.  And eventually, the email threats make their way to me.

Did I mention “impotent coward?”

But, in order to protect these others from the empty threats of an impotent coward, I thought I might re-implement a policy I tried once before.

Password protection.

Henceforth, any post that might possibly make this particular impotent coward look

  • Stupid;
  • Impotent;
  • Cowardly;
  • Drunk;
  • Foolish;
  • Fat;
  • Insane;
  • Incompetent;
  • Untalented;
  • Undateable;
  • Or any other of a thousand things or the many combinations and permutations thereof…(in other words, accurate)

I will put a password on that post.  As before, the password will be standard for all protected posts.

If you want to read that post, you need the password. To get the password, you must fill out the contact form below.

For you idiots and impotent cowards out there (but I repeat myself), if you are using a WordPress account while viewing this post, it is a near certainty that the contact form will AUTO FILL the email address field.  So if you feel like reporting me to WordPress for trying to STEAL YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS again like you did before, please go right ahead you fucking dumbass.

Remember that story from November about the guy who fell into an acidic hot spring in Yellowstone Park and boiled to death?

That guy was a DUMBFUCK; a perfect example of Heinlein’s thoughts on stupidity:

“Stupidity cannot be cured. Stupidity is the only universal capital crime; the sentence is death. There is no appeal, and execution is carried out automatically and without pity.”

That DUMBFUCK just walked off the marked path, a stupidity which in that case actually was a crime, and got himself executed.

What I am trying to do is require other DUMBFUCKS with their hearts set on finding butthurt to get all worked up over, to not simply leave a path, but to leave a path, strip naked (figuratively!  Brain bleach is on the left as you exit, free of charge), crawl through ten yards of dense razor wire, wade across a swimming pool full of used hypodermic syringes, roll through a paste of salt, wasabi, mustard, powdered Carolina Reaper pepper and lemon juice, set themselves on fire and THEN dive headfirst into the boiling acid pool…just to get to the butthurt.

So they can claim that they voluntarily went through all that torture to get upset by people insulting them.

So for all that, here’s the contact form.  Fill it out if isn’t already done for you & send it along.  I get the password back to you as soon as I’m damn good and ready.

Unless you’re a known DUMBFUCK.  No soup for you!


Documented AND Prosecuted?


Look to the right…one hundred twenty one days and counting.

There’s a real FEAR FACTOR behind the empty threats of the child stalker Bill Schmalfeldt.

Any fear you have, multiply by the Schmalfeldt Fear Factor of ZERO. 

That’s how scared to be of the fever dreams of Broadway Bill the Shit Sniffer.


You Can Hardly Go Wrong Assuming Bill Schmalfeldt Is A Fucking Liar


The Schmalfeldt Method™ of Internet Badassery

First, make sure you’re well stocked on vinegar.  You’re going to need it to douche the yeasty sand out of your pussy.

Second, keep a bag packed for your next post-eviction interstate getaway.  Maybe try north to Minnesota next; it’s a reliably blue state just like Wiscon- oops.

Grab the Johnnie Walker Red and pour yourself a glass of liquid courage.

No.  Bigger glass.

Bigger.  No matter who the target is, you’ll be punching up.

On second thought, maybe just IV the bottle.

Choose your target carefully.  Remember you’ll be punching way up in class (it’s a safe assumption if you’re following the Schmalfeldt Method), so make sure your objective is someone who, when you strike at them, you might be able to reach the sole of their shoe.

If they step off a curb…

And fall into the open sewer where you dwell.

If stalking three year olds makes you feel tough…

If photoshopping someone’s wife onto a giant penis suits your milieu

If calling women cunts, twats, loose coozes, and such makes you feel better about your late wife’s legacy…

If waging a four year battle against a man who called you “some bozo” as you defended a drug dealing, document forging, perjuring, domestic terrorist pedophile is your raison d’être…

Then lace up the golf cleats and drop trou.

Wait until Hogewash! serves up the Team Kimberlin Post of the Day at midnight-ish Eastern time.

Tweet evil things at people who likely are fast asleep because they’re not obsessed stalkers like you.

Ignore anybody who responds, but also block them, you Internet Badass, you.

Then pass out drunk wherever you are. Aunt Edna won’t mind. She loves cleaning up vomit and bowel tragedies.

Get up the next afternoon around 4:00, feed the hangover some coffee from the Red Keurig (and a little hair of the dog from fresh stock), and do it all over again.

Don’t ever surrender, because that would be humiliating.

Not any more humiliating than filing and losing lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit…

Not any more humiliating than losing blog after blog after blog after blog…

Not any more humiliating than having nearly one hundred Twitter accounts permanently suspended…

Not any more humiliating than abandoning nearly a hundred more…

Not any more humiliating than cycling through God knows how many rebranded (yet still pointless and stupid) podcasts…

Not any more humiliating than self-publishing yet another Ctrl-C/Ctrl-V masturbation fantasy destined to be yanked off (pun intended) the shelves due to yet another copyright violation…

Let’s face it – if abject humiliation on an ongoing, accelerating schedule is the mayo on your footlong…

The Schmalfeldt Method™ of Internet Badassery is for you!


Self Awareness Fail #12,826,412

Of course, from Elkridge to St. Francis to Clinton, the self-pity of the guy who needed pity so badly he faked fucking Parkinson’s disease for 16+ years flows like fear pee.

Hot, wet and stinky. 

Like a certain truck stop dolly.


Congratulations Are In Order

The little birdies tell me that a new greeter has been hired at the Clinton, Iowa Wal-Mart.

He brings his own walker as well as a miniature clock urn which never leaves his sight, and is being compensated at the going GS-13 (that’s “Greeter-Slovenly”) rate of $9.75/hr.

Another social justice triumph for Wal-Mart, putting the worst that society has to offer to some minimal use.



Berkeley: Peaceful Protest or Fascist Violence?

Boy, the Fabulously Jewish Nazi Ben Shapiro and the Fabulously Gay Nazi Milo Yiannopoulos sure are causing a lot of ruckus these days, huh?

The really interesting parallel that everyone seems to want to ignore lately is this:

“It’s the___(fill in the blank)__!”

There’s always got to be something in that blank.  And today, what matters is not what the people smashing windows and setting fires are doing (smashing windows and setting fires), it’s what you put in the (fill in the blank).


In the 1930s, Hitler, Goebbels and the Nazi party worked really, really hard to propagandize a weary German populace who wanted a scapegoat on whom they could blame their problems.

First they put Socialists in the blank.

Then they put the Trade Unionists in the blank.

Then they put the Jews in the blank.

And the Nazis were able to justify and rationalize all sorts of atrocities, because after all, they were just Socialists. And Trade Unionists. And Jews. And Gypsies. And Homosexuals.

Today…there’s one well-spoken, fabulous British homosexual in the blank.

Today…there’s one well-spoken fabulous conservative Jew in the blank.

Today…there’s Nazis in that blank.

White supremacists getting sucker-punched.

Female journalists who work for the “wrong” media outlets, too.

Gun owners.

Plumbers who might possibly have voted for Trump but I’m too scared to ask them.

Girls in red hats getting pepper sprayed.

Girls getting their hair set on fire.

People who get their hands dirty for a living.

People who choose not to condemn the President, which was treason up until just two short weeks ago. I believe Matthew McConaughey is the latest to come under the long knives of the tolerant, LoveTrumpsHate crowd.

You see, when it comes to fascism, it doesn’t matter what or whom they choose to fill in the blank.

It’s the ones filling the blanks, lighting the fires and throwing the bricks who bear watching.  Because they have ALWAYS been the ones at the root of all the trouble.