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Bill Schmalfeldt Said:

In a comment at 22:29 EDT on July 2, 2016 at Billy Sez

If you ever had children, Jane, assuming you could find a man willing to touch you, I would be only too happy to urinate on them. With you as their mother, it would be the best thing to ever happen to them. At least the water would be warm.

Bill Schmalfedt will deny it until put under oath.  Because Bill Schmalfeldt is a shit-sniffing, turdrolling, toddlerstalking, liar, and I have 100% incontrovertible proof.

He can weep and beg and demand to see it like the sand-packed pussy he is.  Someone else may show him, because I’m not the only one with the proof. But I guarantee-damn-tee that I will release it at a moment of maximum personal advantage to me, and there is nothing anyone can do about it.

UPDATE:

http://images.wikia.com/victorious/images/f/fa/Bye_bye_bye.gif

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Clarity in Language Is Essential

I saw the following on Facebook, and immediately understood the intent.

But it’s also very easy to see how a random DUMBFUCK could mentally emphasize the wrong word and go completely off the reservation.

(Was that RAAAAACIST?)

Is your emphasis on the second-to-last word, or on the last word?

It’s the difference between the lightning and the lightning bug, as Twain said.

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IOKIYAD

I have been noting with no small amount of wicked glee over the last two days the spin coming out of the Democratic National Convention in the wake of the #DNCLeak.

You know…Democrats be all like

“OMGWTFBBQ – First person ever to ask a foreign government to interfere in an election!  TREASON! TREASON!  RESIGN! RESIGN!”

Uh…nope.

I’m old enough to remember when this happened.

“On 9-10 May of this year,” the May 14 memorandum explained, “Sen. Edward Kennedy’s close friend and trusted confidant [John] Tunney was in Moscow.” (Tunney was Kennedy’s law school roommate and a former Democratic senator from California.) “The senator charged Tunney to convey the following message, through confidential contacts, to the General Secretary of the Central Committee of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union, Y. Andropov.”

Kennedy’s message was simple. He proposed an unabashed quid pro quo. Kennedy would lend Andropov a hand in dealing with President Reagan. In return, the Soviet leader would lend the Democratic Party a hand in challenging Reagan in the 1984 presidential election.

Foreign powers?  Messing about in American presidential elections?  At the behest of “The Liberal Lion?” The man our current President eulogized as ” the greatest legislator of our time?”

Kennedy made Andropov a couple of specific offers.

First he offered to visit Moscow. “The main purpose of the meeting, according to the senator, would be to arm Soviet officials with explanations regarding problems of nuclear disarmament so they may be better prepared and more convincing during appearances in the USA.” Kennedy would help the Soviets deal with Reagan by telling them how to brush up their propaganda.

Ted Kennedy, a Democrat, would tell the Soviet Union how to “brush up their propaganda?”

Kennedy would make certain the networks gave Andropov air time–and that they rigged the arrangement to look like honest journalism.

Well, isn’t it a good thing we don’t have that problem today?

/sarcasm

And why would Ted Kennedy, the Greatest Democrat of his Generation, who was entirely perfect and blameless of anything that ever happened in his life while not behind the wheel of an Oldsmobile, offer such aid and comfort to the Soviet Union during the Cold War?

Surely not something so trivial and callow as presidential politics?

“Tunney remarked that the senator wants to run for president in 1988,” the memorandum continued. “Kennedy does not discount that during the 1984 campaign, the Democratic Party may officially turn to him to lead the fight against the Republicans and elect their candidate president.”

Whoops.

Remember kids:

IT’S OKAY IF YOU’RE A DEMOCRAT.

BUT NOT IF YOU’RE A REPUBLICAN.

OR A DEMOCRAT RUNNING AS A REPUBLICAN.

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In Which A DUMBFUCK “Journalist” Forgets He Is A DUMBFUCK, Not A Journalist

View post on imgur.com

Exit question:  If Hillary Clinton wins the election, won’t that prove Trump’s point?

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50% of What Profit?

Since I’m a generous zombie by nature, I’m going to assume that DUMBFUCK purchased a Suzuki Q-Chord from Amazon at the low, low price of $219.99 and was able to avoid shipping charges with Amazon Prime.  The sales tax rate in Milwaukee County is 5.60%, so that would make a total cost of $232.31 door to door.

I’m also going to assume that because it is self-publishing his hot new album, Debut Taint, that DUMBFUCK  probably isn’t tracking its actual labor costs for writing lyrics or “studio time” or production or marketing or graphic design or any of the other actual costs that go into making an album.

In fact, I’m just going to eliminate all costs other than the cost of the Q-Chord, and say that the cost of making this album was that same $232.31.

DUMBFUCK has noted that the price of the album is $9.99 and that a whopping 50% of the profits go to Parkinson’s Reasearch.  This probably means it will pay for a continuing subscription to <a href=”parkyporn.xxx”>parkyporn.xxx</a>, but whatever.

If my math is right, it won’t see any profits until it recoups the cost of the instrument, which won’t be until the 24th album is sold.  And half of that $7.45 in profit, if that unlikely 24th sale takes place, won’t pay for replacement batteries for a Deep Brain Stimulator, let alone buy a tool for other deep places a DUMBFUCK might like to stimulate.

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An IFP Hearing

JUDGE:  So you would like to proceed  in forma pauperis, is that it?

DUMBFUCK: Yes, your Honor.

JUDGE: May I ask, what is that on your wrist?

DUMBFUCK: It’s my new Apple Watch, your Honor. Isn’t it SWEET?

JUDGE: Yes, delightful. How much did it cost you?

DUMBFUCK: Only $650 on Amazon Prime Day!

JUDGE: Really!  Aren’t you the smart shopper?  And what’s that red thing over there in the corner?

DUMBFUCK: Oh, you mean my mobility scooter?  Vroom! VROOM!!

JUDGE: That’s it.  How long have you had that?

DUMBFUCK: About eight months.

JUDGE: Must have cost a pretty penny, all tricked out like that.

DUMBFUCK: You bet, your Honor! Almost $2400.

JUDGE:  And your insurance covered it?

DUMBFUCK: Oh, no, your Honor.  They said it wasn’t a necessity, so I bought it myself.

JUDGE: Well now!  And how many new computers have you purchased since you arrived in Wisconsin?

DUMBFUCK: Two, your honor.

JUDGE: Windows or Apple?

DUMBFUCK: One of each, sir.

JUDGE: About four grand, then?

DUMBFUCK: A little less, your honor.

JUDGE: What about musical instruments?

DUMBFUCK: Oh, I got this cool Suzuki harpsichord thingie.  It makes sweet tunes.  Too bad it doesn’t do anything for my singing voice.

JUDGE:  And…

DUMBFUCK:  And what, your Honor?

JUDGE: And it cost you?

DUMBFUCK: About $235, your Honor.

JUDGE:  Worth it?

DUMBFUCK:  Every penny!  I have a new album coming out.  I’m promoting it from my private Twitter page, so no one will ever know.

JUDGE:  Terrific.  Any other big, pointless purchases in the last year? Smartphones?

DUMBFUCK: Yes.

JUDGE: Uh-huh. And you want to proceed in this case in forma pauperis?

DUMBFUCK:  Yes, your Honor.

JUDGE: Why?

DUMBFUCK:  Because I don’t have any money, your Honor.

JUDGE: I can’t understand why not. Get the hell out of my court.

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