He Who Blocks, Surrenders

Even if it were true (and we both know it isn’t)…

It isn’t true any more, is it, cowardly, sand-squirting pussy DUMBFUCK?

What happened to this big brave badass?

“CONSTANT reminder?”

Constantly bent to the will of his Imaginary Raspberry Soulmate, I’d say!

It’s clear by now that Jake is jerky and Boris has been BBQ’d.

I wonder how StGotCU feels about being left behind like every other family member he ever pretended to care about?

What about the Zombie Horde? Will the blowup girlfriend simply ditch when he tries to take over the gaming setup himself, or will DUMBFUCK run out the first time the imaginary voice tells him to pick up his own damn socks?

Whose “Long Con Fu” is stronger?

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Wait…what is that?

That thing right there…

Around that fuglycat’s neck…what does it say?

“I’M WHY WE CAN’T…”

Better zoom in a little…

“I’M WHY WE CAN’T…HAVE…NICE…THINGS”

…we have to settle for Bill Schmalfeldt.

Poor cat.  Born ugly and now cursed.

Still…better off than BAR-B-Q Boris, I’ll bet.

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But What of Boris and Jake?

Did they

  1. make the trip, happy and healthy, and we’ll be seeing pictures of them in the sunny South any day now;
  2. go back to the shelter, because character is measured by how we treat those who can do nothing for us (there’s probably a lesson here for dim fake gingers);
  3. get bound in a burlap sack and tossed into the big river from the overlook at Eagle Point Park (probably a lesson here, too);
  4. enjoy being released into the wild, crime riddled streets of Clinton to be chased down and tortured by the town delinquents;
  5. Get shipped to Elkridge or Milwaukee, where decent people wait to clean up the impulsive mess left by a DUMBFUCK:
  6. take a rolling pin to the head and find their final rest in a shallow grave on 3rd Ave N?

Can the Zombie Horde think of other options?

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This Was Just Good

A student created a PowerPoint presentation and sent it to her crush explaining why he should date her.

Even though the results were suboptimal…

…it was still kind of cute.  Plus it went viral, she got noticed and will probably have suitors coming out of the woodwork now.

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Friday Earworm Wednesday (With Bonus Lyrics)!

I WANT IT ALL, DOUG
You stupid goddamn hick
You’ll tell me everything you know
I’ll use an old reporter trick

I WANT IT ALL, DOUG
I’m coming upside your head
Tire irons or baseball bats
Until you’re lying half dead

Never gonna feel nervous
Sniffing my own poo
Whoopin’ you will make me feel like I feel when I huff glue
Tubes of airplane glue

I WANT IT ALL, DOUG
I know that you’ll spill
Or else I’ll slash my own tires
And send you the bill

I WANT IT ALL, DOUG
And I won’t go away
I’ll sit on your porch all night
I’ll stalk you at your job all day

Never gonna feel nervous
Sniffing my own poo
Stalking you will make me feel like I feel when I huff glue
Lots of Elmer’s Glue
Krazy Glue, baby

I WANT IT ALL, DOUG
I’ll slap you down in the mud
And it won’t make me feel too bad
I bet it won’t make you feel too good

I WANT IT ALL, DOUG
Let it all out
Or else I’ll call DFS
They’ll come drag all your kids out

You really should be nervous
Wondering what I’ll do
I was in kindergarten last time I ate this much glue
Daddy’s airplane glue
That ain’t really glue, yeah, yeah

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